How to Respond to Big Emotions with Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is the foundation for children to learn self-regulation
Kids who are having a hard time regulating their bodies when big feelings arise don't need punishment or shame tactics. They need support.
Two quotes that I live by:
“Children aren’t giving you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time“
and #2,
“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”
-LR Knost
It’s our job to be a safe place for our kids to FEEL. And HOW can we do this?
Create a warm environment where all feelings and emotions are allowed. This involves validation, modeling awareness, regulating your OWN emotions.
Next time your kids whine, sound angry, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed — PAUSE and see that your child is not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Create that safe space for them to FEEL.
With tools and support, we really can love our way through these uncomfortable feelings.
Regulation is a skill, and to teach it we start with Co-Regulation.
Try this new skill: Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is defined as “warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to ‘understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors’”
Download my FREE Co-Regulation Workbook to Get Started
What's your prescription for calming down?
Yoga
Meditation
Breathing
Animals
Taking a walk
Getting in water
Nature
Get a drink
Ask for help
Essential Oils
Coach yourself
Ask for a hug
Listen to music
Stretch
Crystals
Counting
Draw a picture
Squeeze a stress ball
Something else???
Now take something from your list and help your kid do it! Easy? Easy! Kinda…
“Co-regulation is a precursor to self-regulation. If adults are deregulated, children learn to be dyregulated as well.”
-DR. ANN-LOUISE LOCKHART
Some Tips for Co-Regulating
Hold Space (this happens inside YOU)
Expect that hard behaviors will happen
Choose to approach it with emotional intelligence.
Set that intention.
Use a quiet and calm voice
Get down to their level
Sit next to them
Establish routines (predictability helps kids feel safe and secure)
Validate child's feelings
Soothe your child
Offer hugs
Gentle rocking
Offer help
Supportive silence
Use "Safe Place" (sign up for co-regulation workbook and get the safe place one in the 2nd email)
